Disneyland – Mickey Candy

For the rest of the evening after the bug in the salad incident, my wife was grumpy.  She had brought snacks on the flight down from Seattle for us, since Alaska offers only a measly little bag of pretzels. She had bought a sixteen ounce Mr. Goodbar,  full of peanut chocolaty goodness. Well, I ate a bunch of it, and gave the rest to the girls. Leslie wasn’t happy that she didn’t have a crack at the candy, so I offered to go get some from the hotel’s gift shop.

I’m looking for some M&Ms, or Reese’s Pieces, but only saw Disney licensed generic candy. I asked this older lady if they had some of these aforementioned candy brands. She retorted that they only carry ‘Mickey Candy,’ and added that it is just as good as brand candy. 

Frankly, that pissed me off. In retrospect, there were two problems – our personalities clashed, and she was an idiot. After I picked up some Mickey Malt Balls and Pluto Peanut Butter Cups, I looked for the last item on my list (also required by my wife). Seeing none was on the shelf, and annoyed at the cashier lady, I used my best smart ass voice and asked if any Mickey water was available (actually, it was Dasani).

She didn’t appreciate the humor.

And I didn’t care.

Disneyland – Scream of a Meal

The first night at Disneyland, we were exhausted from the travel, had decided against spending time in the park, and simply wanted to get some dinner then go to bed (of course, this was the agenda shared by my wife and I..not our kids). Downstairs, the Grand Californian hotel features “The Storyteller Cafe.”  In the mornnings, for breakfast, Disney furries walk around from table to table giving kids hugs.

My son lovin’ on Koda the bear

We sit down, decide not to mess around with ordering a la carte, and hit the buffet. It’s rather pricey, $26 for adults and $12 for children. I have a little of this, a little of that. Some yummy prime rib. My wife, of course, focuses on healthy stuff.

We’re all filling up fast, the table littered with dirty napkins, discarded dishes, and used utensils. My son wants some dessert, so I take him up to the sweets section, and he picks a cupcake.

Then it starts. Like a train running out of control down the back side of a mountain pass, with it’s train whistle screeching like mad, I hear a scream coming from the general direction of our table. I look up, and my wife is looking at her plate, screaming, over and over, as if she has discovered a dead body lying in a pool of blood. The din of conversation has silenced, with all heads turning towards the screeching.

My lovely wife in better times

I have seen this before. My lovely wife  is queen of the freakout, warranted or not,  which I usually counter by forcing myself to remain calm and rational, despite the situation (classic example..if one of our kids is choking, she’ll completely flip out – which is understandable – while I stay calm until I dislodge whatever is the culprit. Then I freak out).  So, I’m thinking – dead ant in her food. Where other people would be startled, my wife would overreact.

By the time I arrive there, she’s still screaming, and time has frozen. I’m surprised she hasn’t cussed up a storm, spewing curse words like someone with Tourets as this is her normal M.O. A part of her realizes this is Disneyland and half the people staring at her are kids.

I finally make it to her side, at which point the spell is brokens, and she bolts and exits the restaurant. Looking down, I see a beetle that must be 1 inch in length, crawling through the leaves of her endives. As I processed this vision, my appetite drained away. I stood in shock, amazed that this huge bug was on the plate in front of me. 

A manager came by, and I told her there was a bug in the food. From her face, I could tell that she expected an overreaction. When she saw the beetle she froze. Next thing she said: “Don’t worry about the meal. Everything is taken care of.”  Of course, my first thought is Sweet! Free food!  My second thought is to check on my wife, who was crying outside on the bench. She was so sincerely upset at the ordeal. It took some time to calm her down. I suggested she sprinkle some pretend pixie dust on her to make her feel better (this is Disneyland after all).

She told me to F*** off.

We didn’t eat dinner there again, and I kept thinking how we got a $100 meal for free.

Disneyland – Celebrity Spottings

The first full day after we arrived at the California Resort Hotel, we spent at Disneyland. We were battling the crowds, standing in line at the merry go round in Fantasyland, when my oldest daughter pointed at someone on the ride. “Daddy, isn’t that the guy from A Night in the Museum?“ 

Sure enough, as I try to track the people spinning round and round, I see Ben Stiller on the ride. He was standing next to one of his kids.

Does he wait in line with the rest of us common folk? Time for a photo investigation. I pulled out my Canon digital, shoved my kids aside, and started snapping (click on photos to enlarge). 

Ben Stiller, moving among the crowds (notice the Disney hostess on the right):

 

Then I noticed he was with his wife, actress Christine Taylor (of Marcia Brady fame)…she’s the one with sunglasses (and attractive, unlike the rest of the Disneyland crowds). Also, there’s their body guard. He’s the guy to the far right of the photo, back to the camera: 

Two celebrity spottings. Not bad. Then I noticed a guy in a baseball cap and sunglasses. I stared intently, trying to discern whether this was a celebrity friend or just a Muggle one. Yes! It’s Lance Armstrong, straggling along with the A/C (a-list/c-list) couple!  Here he is taking a swig of something:

My wife was more excited about Lance “He’s so good looking” Armstrong than about Stiller (who has a really big head).  For her, another shot of Lance.

My kids. Right. Here’s a photo of my daughter Lily on the Merry Go Round:

 

Later, leaving our hotel room to head to dinner, I saw some guy on an old person’s scooter (like they sell at the Scooter Store). This person was surrounded by security guards and Disney personnel. I knew I was about to get my 4th celebrity spotting. Sure enough, I turn to my wife and tell her that  P. Diddy (or whatever he goes by these days) is sitting right next to us (separated only by 4 burly outward facing security dudes).  As I was passed, I saw someone next to him in sunglasses and a hat – the usual celebrity disguise. Could this be #5? I looked back over my shoulder. Trying to recognize. Then this guy smiled. Bingo! Arsenio Hall. The only role he can get these days is being part of Diddy’s entourage.

Five celebrities in a single day. We didn’t see any others the entire time since that first day. A rare breed.